I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
