I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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