this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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