my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I need moral support for this bender
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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