Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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