nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
