Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
