good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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