I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Never joke about your clitoris.
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