sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
