my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
