He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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