you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
