its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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