there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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