The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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