if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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