hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
