I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
