Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
