I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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