I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he puts the penis in happiness.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
