drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize