I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
