I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize