why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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