just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
