just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
