She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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