I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize