He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
