I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
