Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
