that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
