I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
