Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
