you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
