dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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