She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
