can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
