dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
