hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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