how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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