so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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