Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
