That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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