First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
