God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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