The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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