I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He passed out mid-signature
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
