my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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