We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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