happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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