My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
