I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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