I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
