she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
