yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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