Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
