She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize
