how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
