Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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