Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
