I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
