girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
