Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
