just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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