Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize