he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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