I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
