i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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