hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
