I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
