Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize