Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
