We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
