i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
last night I used snow as a chaser
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
And then he peed in my hair
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