Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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