I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
