farters have to be the big spoon...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize