I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
