Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
