you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
